.......and then she kissed him......

it was a dark night....
every thing was blackened out except for a few flickering candles trying hard to survive against the wind....every thing was muted out except for the occasional burst of the crackers........it was a diwali night…………..
but the quietness and the dark night was rather cherish-able by her.......
for there in the darkness a boy was telling a story .......
he was telling a story to her .....
a story about two kings who fought against each other for honor...............

and there in the darkness, she sat still listening to him .........but not quite actually hearing ........ listening to his voice ......... listening as if nothing exists......nothing exits than him......
and nothing is more important than him....

“and he roared ….draw out you sword…you coward !”

and….she was thinking how amazing his voice sounds………is it really happening for real or is she still dreaming away like she always do about him…….

“I dare you to fight till death……..come out you terrified rat……come out of your hole……..”

and….she was thinking …is it in his eyes ? the mystifying charm ? or the twinkle of mischief ? what is there that magnetize her to listen to him even in this cold winter night out on this rooftop all alone……and she shivered slightly though not out of cold really……..

“ the two swords clanged and sparks flew off……….”

And….she wished the night may never end….for this moments were so precious that she can give away her all and everything to make it last even a few seconds more…..
……yes …..she can even give away her dinosaur eraser….ok…..even her dearest loveliest red frock too…….what else can God want ?

“…you want more, huh? Ok…here it goes....take it …take this…… and that….. and this….”

And…she was wondering …….how can a person be so attractive….and yet so intelligent at the same time……there is a strange thing about him….he looks so formidable yet today, now, sitting so close to him made her feel he is so very close, close enough that she can see his eyelashes…..and she again felt that…. The feeling of pain inside the throat …….is it what they call it…….is it? And for the first time in her life she felt something for which she has no words……is this what they call being ‘sexy’? at that moment she realized the exact meaning of that word ! till now , it was just a word for her , but then she appreciated that there are few words that have a very special meaning thus cannot be used so loosely to everyone every time. And she moved a bit closer…….

“feeling cold, eh? Ok now listen……..he slashed his sword against his opponent….blood coming oozing out yet not surrendering …… Are you listening or not….?”

And…..she nodded her head in approval …….though not quite really understanding who is killing whom…..but then …….who cares? As long as they both are fighting , she can continue with her own story where the king is somebody else …………!

“…now will you give up? ….NEVER!……..roared the king…….”

And……she felt like melting away………..melt away like a river………..ohhhh ! how she wished to be a river and flow all over him………..to be the wind that rustles through his hair caresses his forehead………be the light of the candles that twinkle in his eyes……………! and she blushed again, thanking God that it was a night !

“as the swords clashed with one another………it was hard to make out who will win…..”

and…….. she was thinking ……win? When she is losing everything, her dignity as a lady, her pride, her sanity to him, …..WIN ? how does it matter any more? She is ready to lose her everything for a millionth time to win him……and as slowly the candles slowly but surely melt away to annihilation and as the story started to end , she felt afraid………as if something is going to go away….something is going to be parted for ever and she will never have him back ………..like this way ! how much she wanted him……………..the way she wanted him………..like no other way but this………


and then she……………………………

........a night in the train...........................

........it was in my last year of my masters ..............and I was returning from my home kolkata and back to Pune.....


...there in train I met him........

.......... I meet a DJ ........................

DJ ...............cool na !!!!!!!!!!
.....ya I thought so too..........................cool !


but at the first glance ...he didnt look that impressive......actually I never bothered to look at him .......................

but it was his constant 'hooked up with his iPOD'...................................................

(jus remember that that time iPOD was not that an ordinary thing as it is now...........it was a rare thing ........and i didnt know the name too........it was just a small white thing ...thats it....) .........

..............................that forced me to notice him..............

and .....like I always do..........if I have the curiosity ...................its always me who starts the conversation first................and I just did that ...................

.......and I just fired my questions..................... poor soul.................!

but .................believe me...............he was so polite that he actually answered my questions .........

and took me seriously.................now thats a rare thing....................taking me seriously.........nobody ever does that mistake ....ever..........

but there he was..................patiently listening to all my queries and replying them too........a rare combination........

and thats why I still remember him...............

(ok I must be honest ..................!.....I dont remember his name ......or how does he looks like......)

but it was something in him......that still makes me wonder.......and thus I still remember his words

and

believe me there was something in him thats still makes me write about him.................!

this reason alone makes him special enough I think..........!

...he taught me the essence of music........and why we should we love music........

....coz .....when Love Isn't Reciprocated With Love, It Hurts Deep Down Inside.

"Don't Care So Much For Me,
I May Get Used To It.

Don't Come So Near To Me,
I May Not Be Able To Detach From It.

Don't Put So Much Faith In Me,
I May Not Be Able To Handle It.

Don't Touch Me The Way U Do,
I May Not Be Able To Get Over It.

Don't Become A Part Of My Life,
Because Without You, I Won't Be Able To Live It.

Don't Make Me Fall For You,
I May Not Be Able To Fall Out Of It.

Don't Come Into My Life,
If You Have To Leave One Day.
Don't Give Me The Hope,
That It's Forever U R Going To Stay.

Because Love Is An Emotion,
I Won't Be Able To Hide.
When Love Isn't Reciprocated With Love,
It Hurts Deep Down Inside.

Don't Start Something,
That I Won't Be Able To End.
Don't Make Me Believe,
That You Can Be More Than A Friend.

Because At The End Of It All,
I Don't Want To Hear You Say,
That," I'M SORRY",
"But I Never Felt The Same Way"...... "



is it bad to like someone......????
...like someone to a point that you feel theres no other way.......
but to love and no other reason to live other than love......
..is it bad to like someone that much......?

the above poem is a copied one........but the reason I kept it in my blog is that the words truly reflect my feeling....or to say my state of mind right now.....
.....therefore a little bit of copying business......
.I hope the poet doesn't mind.....
...after all imitation is the best form of flattery.....right?......so, no offence....ok?


but my trouble is that no one asked me to take the pain........its just all in my imagination ....all this love...affair....and emotions........and..........
no one said any thing........no one promised me any thing.............so..........why do I moan............and whom should I complain.............and whom should I ask for my medicine...........

then I guess .................I have to live with my maddness.............may be all my life............

like spiderman said ................. you have to choose ...............choose between what is right and what is easy..................its easy to follow what others are doing..........

I mean ....I m sorry it has nothing to do with my disease..........................but still ...................its a question of choice.............shall I live like others like a normal girl................or do what my heart desires...............

.....duniya-banewalle kya tere man me samye......kahe ko ............? ? ?

believe me..............girls can be weird.................so weird ...............and so complected that even GODS cant understand them...................leave alone mortal men......!

you want example.......? ? ?
.......I will give you example.............and believe me I do have examples ......

...............like....................

when girls like someone or even like the comment they will smile and say " you are so mean".........
...........when in reality they are "so very happy" with the compliment...................


another example.........................


..........they will cry when they are happy...... .
..........will smile if they dont like anything.....

.....will not utter a word and would say nobody understands me.................

( I mean ....how the bloody hell anybody will understand you if you bloody hell dont say anything.........huh.....? ? ?.....are the people antaryami.......or what ........? ? ?)


.........no......stilll.........he would have understood me if he would have loved me......................!
now can you argue with that........
........no......
.........I guess not ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

...............chalo ye shart bhi rakha hai ke agar payar karna hai to man ki baat bhi parni chahie.......



will love someone madly...........and wont say anything to him.............. not even a word.......

........but would pour out the minutest to minutest detail to friend about how she had a querrel with the sabjiwalla over a pau-kilo over-priced bhindi...................right down to the details about the size of the ladiesfinger....... details are important you know...............!

....................I mean ........would buy anything .......even if she doesent like it.......if its a rupee cheaper.........and again would buy torn clothes cause its designer................


isnt it so very unfair.......? ? ?

do I ? really ? ? ?

....last day Rookie said that the reason he got stuck with me was because ...........
.........I write well......

.....I didnt quite really believed him....
but................
...even though I wanted to disagree...................
...a part of me really wanted to believe him..

.................really wanted to.................
........ ...............but ................
.......................my another half smiled at me ........................
.....................and ...................................
said................... are you nuts? or what ? writer you...? are you crazy.......? not in a million years........not even in a thousand million years....

...but then why did I wanted to believe him........wanted to believe him so badly....


....is this what I really wanted to be.........may be ...
may be...

...may be really I wanted to be good at it....coz this is what I really enjoy doing .....

.......I enjoy writing .........sounds crazy.....
..but I liked his words ....and truely wanted to believe him.......

....that .........................
.................I m good at it..........
and wanted to believe that...................................
......and may be some one, some day will really like my work and
would really appreciate it whole heartedly .............
........and would say someday that I like you writing............
.......without any intension

just pure and simple words of appreciation...............no other reasons no other intensions, ......................no other interest..............

.........ohhhhh no...
...heaven knows I m not doubting Rookie.........

..............its just that I m still in disbelief that anyone can seriously like my writing and say that
as well.....
.....coz it never happened to me before .....
...never in my life.........

...............well.............. yes of course........................ once..........
......once some one did appreciate my writing ............
.......but then he never did it again.........
........so I m in a kind of a dileama....... is it true....................? ? ?


...................but you know something ..........
.........even though I doubt my abilities..........
....still its the one that like to be good at ..........
........and thats the reason I have opened my blog so that I can write without bothereing anyone else..........
...you see ita a pain for others to read a new writers creation.......
..............you have bloody hell no idea how pesty we can be......
.....always behind the othere to ask .........and pester them how was my writing..........
................so this blog is more safer ............
...........for me as well as for the others too.....
.....they are safe from the torture to read my craps....
.and....well.......
I m safe too.........from their curses.................! ! !


but then do I ?
do I have this ability?
the ability to express myself in words..............?
I dont know..........I really dont know........
.... I have always remained a confused kid..........
.....actually what kid?
I m still confused as an adult also........
.......so how can I express myself in simple words?

........but then thats what he said.........
.......in his words.................
......" u hv uncanny power of express deeper thoughts into simpler words ...".................? ? ?

really ? ? ? ? ? ?
do I have it?
if its true .........then I will feel blessed ..........
.........coz thats what I wanted..........
......even in my life too.........
........I feel that we make ourself our life too complicated......
...why cant life be simple...........? ? ?
simple as it should be? why do we make our own world uncomprihensible...........? ? ?


..................and I have bloody hell no idea............


................for me....
...if you ask me.......
...........we should do the things we want to ......
........speak to the people we want to speak to.........
.........and not think the consequences........for once........
.......I know what I asking is chaos and confusion everwhere.........just imagine ......people doing whatever they want to........
....and its a scary thing to even imagine.......
.......but once .....
...once cant we act in the manner we want to?
and that will be when we are in love...
...yes difficult thing to understand.....
..more difficult to express even ......
...but this is what I m saying.........
......for once in your life do what your heart desires..........
.........and say what your heart truely wants to say ........
...........without any hesitation.............
..........and believe me God will be with you.........
.......and if he is busy somewhere elsse ...
.then believe me I will be there with you all the way long..
..even if I m busy..................!

........you know ' Dil ke mamle me hamesha dil ki sun na chahie'...............



and you will ask how the hell do I know about it?
what have I done to get the right to give such kind of advise to others ..........
well....................if you ask me.............

thats what I did.........and will always do................

always........................

and ...........................





always.....................................

crickters.....

You see…….every word I say has a reason behind it
……….and I really mean the words I say

…….however irrational it may sound……………….

and the fact is that I like cricketers……
even though I m not so much in to the game……..


coz the last time I played cricket…..I broke my glasses….
and my bowler….


well….
he lost his front tooth …….



But still I like them…………why…? …

…well I like their spirit ….what we call……sportsman spirit……

…..the ability , the guts , the self-respect you need to shake hands with with the winning captain keeeping a brave smile and holding your head straight…..

……even if your heart is aching for the lost match….

.that kind of spirit………that I admire in a true sportsman……..


To tell you frankly ….its your sportsman spirit, the practicality, the gentleman inside you , the frankness that I liked the most…………

….and honesty is all I have……..all I have to give.......

Lakshya

.....................................................

last night I was watching the film....lakshya.....and blood ran chilled though my spine........its another such kind of movie which inspires me a lot......and in simple words.......one of my favourites.....

if you see it through my eyes ......its all about a journey.....journey of a boy towards becoming a man........ or may be a journey to discover yourself.....who you truely are...... what your heart really desires....... and to tell you ...........its the most difficult question in one's life........ that what his heart really desires..................

............what my heart desires.....................that was a question I realized I too dont know the answer when I saw it in the column of 'today's prediction'................I not a staunch followers of such 'predictions'................but you know na human mind................so even if
i dont believe I couldnt help but to see what was written in there for me...........................and it said........

"you will get what your heart desires"....................


..........................lo kar lo bat..........................

now how will I know ..............whether that the prediction is true..........?...............so .........what exactly my heart wants?..............

I thought and I thought.................

and then again I thought...................


still couldnt find out.................

what my heart really wants ..............strange isnt it...............like I know myself ..........stilll I dont know what I want...............and...if I dont know what I want ..................then how will I get it.........?

a huge question.............if you ask me............


and in the end of the day ..................when nothing happened .......I realized that .............I really dont know what is that I want..............more than anything else...................

and...........that is aim............lakshya..................a goal.....................


that is what I want................I want to have a goal in my life............be it anything........!

a lakshya for which I should live.................or die for it................

expectations..........

Ohh..... I did it again........ and I m sorry that I did..........so many a times I have promiced myself........not to expect..........and yet I did it again.....

....and I guess I have to suffer it ....... for there is no other consequence but to shatter your heart and stoop again to pick it up and build it up all over again......

.....I guess I have to pay the price of believing ......... but I cant help....... I cant stop believing you.......I cant give up my hopes on you......its just to much to ask from me........

....... but.....yes.....ohh yes ...the price is too heavy ......esp . when you believed and expected with all your heart ........ it hurts......it hurts very badly......believe me....... it hurts to wait and be dissapointed every time you break your word.........

.....................foolish you may say..........................for believing a stranger.............and falling for him...........and hoping for him...................... it isnt the way world looks at reality................ but I guess I have my own rules....... which I cannot help but to follow........ coz thats wat my heart says............... and shouldnt we all be true to our hearts......?

.........................when pandora opened her box all the misery and unhappiness was out in the world........but it was hope that survived........ and helped the man from being lost ............................
................ its the only thing that survives when ......... everything is over................... hope survives...................when everything has left you....................and you start hoping.........that...............if .............................................

Siddhartha.............

of course not...............not that Siddhartha.............!
he is the present day , or what to say modern version of Siddhartha........the only similarity in between them is that both are equally cool.......!........in their own way I guess.......

.................he is the one of the finest actors in Telugu film industry......may be even in Hindi film industry also........ His name is Siddhartha........

.....ohh...yeh......enough of introduction..........

now the reason.......of me being a Bengali.......feeding on Hindi films........how m I interested in Telugu stars..........esp when I know Telugu as good as Shakespeare knows bengali........!

but reason has.......dear friend...........it has.....

.......during my stay in hyderabad......I had to suffer but to listen to the unknown language of the south.........

.......surprisingly ........one fine day I realized that I was humming a telegu song.......pretty strange.....you see.....humming a song without knowing the words or the meaning .....is not a simple thing......and I figured out that it has to be a great one........as I couldnt help but to sing the whole day in that strange language......

when I querried about it.........it did turned out to be a telegu song of a recent film...in which.......yes of course.......Siddhartha is the hero......and the moment I saw the trailor of it ........I knew that I have to watch it........theres no other way out........

.......and I did......I went to the movie theater......yes.....bought the ticket......and saw the movie......

...........while watching I realized that you dont need to know the language to appreciate a good movie......or to enjoy its story......

......and ......believe me......at the end I could understand the story.......even could guess what the performers were saying as well....... pretty amazing if you ask me........!

..........so the moral of the whole story is that acting is not about language......it has a language of its own.......and anybody can read it if they want to.......thats the beauty of acting....... were action speal louder than the words and the unspoken words have a greater impact than its uttered counterpart.........only music has that ability..........I guess........

so hats off to that person ........who dragged a non-telegu person to a movie hall by the sheer splendor of its story line and superb acting........

and.......what more great tribute can one pay to an actor than to accept that I went to a movie to see his acting.......and only his acting.........

acknowledgement......

...............................it would be really selfish and highly ungrateful on my part if I don't mention the names who are behind all these pleasure of putting my thoughts in words..............

so......... where do I begin...... should we start from the beginning........?

well......then I think I should thank firstly my kid bro
who thinks himself to be pro.......
but....to me he is still......the very old......
.......... Rookie........
.............who was the first person on this entire universe to appreciate my writings........ no matter how much I use foul language...... no matter how rubbish I scrap him......... he never fails to reply me back......and that too in kind words........ now....can you get better than this ?
......I guess not.......
and you know it feels really great to know that someone likes your words.......... God bless his soul...................


.......................the next person...... who gave me a reason to put my pen to paper.......oops.....or to say........ a reason to put my fingers on the keyboard.........is my fantasy....... the one who fired my imagination...............
........the ultimate coolest person the world has ever seen
......Mr. Photographer ..............
........ he is my reason to put my thoughts to words .........
...... and I guess I will never stop researching about him................



well..... as of now I can only think of these two............ but............but.......but ............ that doesnt mean that I m not influenzed by others ...................... in fact................ the every single person that I meet or talk to or read about ........ gives me something to write about...... and to think about............... and makes me wonder how my life has been shaped by them..................

be it any one........ just anyone ........
...............yes............................................
.......it can be you too.................................. ! ! !

imperfectness.............

of all the people that I meet or interacted personally.................I have observed one single common factor........... that we are all imperfect..................... no matter how hard we try...no matter how many promices we make................... we have to realize that we are not as perfect we want to be......

but ...........the thing is that neither do we realize it nor do we want others to realize it........

........its when desert turns green..............

.............well if you ask me about the coolest thing on earth ...........................that will be love..............no you idiot.....................its love.................
yes love...........
..................the one you cannot call by any other name but love...............one you cannot replace it by any other thing ................ the one you cannot live without....................the one which consumes your every thing....................and yet you desire for more................ that kind...........

well...... according to me everybody is in love ............ every body in this planet earth is some how or the other way is affected by love whether they admit it or not...........irrespective whether they realize it or not...................

it is one of the simplest desire of any living object ............to be loved and give love in return............simple you see.............. but ..........................
99% of the literary work is dedicated to it.....................almost all the wars in the history is fought for it.................countless number of men...( women as well.......) have died for it...........even they have raised monuments in the name of live.............even ...............even .............a whole day is dedicated for it...............................

if you ask me .................. so much of fuss is not necessary.....................but then again I cant control the world................can I ? ? ? its my own opinion............... thats it.............

why can't we keep it simple............. just like we feel hungry......or feel sleepy...........why cant it be as simple as that...............

its fantastic ! you mean I can write any thing......huh?

just incredible .................does it mean I can write any thing.....? any thing on this heaven and earth and anything beyond that..........coooooooool.........



hmmm.......... now...........what should I write............ hmmmmmm.......quite strange....I have to admit............I m not finding anything to write about now............but still feel like writing......



its just like .........if you give a child a pen and she doesn't know how to write but still goes on scribbling in her own script........... I guess its like that...........



any way I guess the ink is about end......I mean time for me to go I guess.......... but this is absolutely great...................... really cool.................

lost in words

I m not writing bcoz i m good at it , but because I want to be good at it............. I have always fantasised about writers ......... their abilities...........

this one is for me, by me and only for me......... I m not answerable to anyone......... nor shall I question any other person...........

I dont declare that I will write only the truth........ nor only imagination............it is where reality should and will met fantasy..........and will merge to gether to form twilight............