do I ? really ? ? ?

....last day Rookie said that the reason he got stuck with me was because ...........
.........I write well......

.....I didnt quite really believed him....
but................
...even though I wanted to disagree...................
...a part of me really wanted to believe him..

.................really wanted to.................
........ ...............but ................
.......................my another half smiled at me ........................
.....................and ...................................
said................... are you nuts? or what ? writer you...? are you crazy.......? not in a million years........not even in a thousand million years....

...but then why did I wanted to believe him........wanted to believe him so badly....


....is this what I really wanted to be.........may be ...
may be...

...may be really I wanted to be good at it....coz this is what I really enjoy doing .....

.......I enjoy writing .........sounds crazy.....
..but I liked his words ....and truely wanted to believe him.......

....that .........................
.................I m good at it..........
and wanted to believe that...................................
......and may be some one, some day will really like my work and
would really appreciate it whole heartedly .............
........and would say someday that I like you writing............
.......without any intension

just pure and simple words of appreciation...............no other reasons no other intensions, ......................no other interest..............

.........ohhhhh no...
...heaven knows I m not doubting Rookie.........

..............its just that I m still in disbelief that anyone can seriously like my writing and say that
as well.....
.....coz it never happened to me before .....
...never in my life.........

...............well.............. yes of course........................ once..........
......once some one did appreciate my writing ............
.......but then he never did it again.........
........so I m in a kind of a dileama....... is it true....................? ? ?


...................but you know something ..........
.........even though I doubt my abilities..........
....still its the one that like to be good at ..........
........and thats the reason I have opened my blog so that I can write without bothereing anyone else..........
...you see ita a pain for others to read a new writers creation.......
..............you have bloody hell no idea how pesty we can be......
.....always behind the othere to ask .........and pester them how was my writing..........
................so this blog is more safer ............
...........for me as well as for the others too.....
.....they are safe from the torture to read my craps....
.and....well.......
I m safe too.........from their curses.................! ! !


but then do I ?
do I have this ability?
the ability to express myself in words..............?
I dont know..........I really dont know........
.... I have always remained a confused kid..........
.....actually what kid?
I m still confused as an adult also........
.......so how can I express myself in simple words?

........but then thats what he said.........
.......in his words.................
......" u hv uncanny power of express deeper thoughts into simpler words ...".................? ? ?

really ? ? ? ? ? ?
do I have it?
if its true .........then I will feel blessed ..........
.........coz thats what I wanted..........
......even in my life too.........
........I feel that we make ourself our life too complicated......
...why cant life be simple...........? ? ?
simple as it should be? why do we make our own world uncomprihensible...........? ? ?


..................and I have bloody hell no idea............


................for me....
...if you ask me.......
...........we should do the things we want to ......
........speak to the people we want to speak to.........
.........and not think the consequences........for once........
.......I know what I asking is chaos and confusion everwhere.........just imagine ......people doing whatever they want to........
....and its a scary thing to even imagine.......
.......but once .....
...once cant we act in the manner we want to?
and that will be when we are in love...
...yes difficult thing to understand.....
..more difficult to express even ......
...but this is what I m saying.........
......for once in your life do what your heart desires..........
.........and say what your heart truely wants to say ........
...........without any hesitation.............
..........and believe me God will be with you.........
.......and if he is busy somewhere elsse ...
.then believe me I will be there with you all the way long..
..even if I m busy..................!

........you know ' Dil ke mamle me hamesha dil ki sun na chahie'...............



and you will ask how the hell do I know about it?
what have I done to get the right to give such kind of advise to others ..........
well....................if you ask me.............

thats what I did.........and will always do................

always........................

and ...........................





always.....................................