dewali mela

the flickering candles, bursting crakers
and its deafening roar.........
...all the trivial traditions we try to conjure .....
...coz.....still a tiny cord ties us to our families .......
......a part we all left back there....
...no matter were wee roam.....
.....can lights really light up our lives ??????
......all in the vain to make a house a home................

maahh......eclipse of my heart

So ………….you are in love with the moon???? How did that happen?????



I had a pond at the back of my house………
…and one day …rather one beautiful night …
..I saw the moon shining brightly ….right there at my backyard…

.. dazzling with its lunatic laughter……
..mesmerizing by its luminance …
… softly complained…

…what are you doing there inside the house??? Come out ………play with me…..

………….and I fell in love with the moon…
…just like that …
..that very moment …
….that very second….
.unknowingly …
..unaware of the penalties of loving something such ethereal…so beautiful…..brilliant…… captivating…..something so unreal !
….it forced me …
…force !!!!!
force is a rather rude word…
..it compelled me to appreciate its beauty ....
…the fragility…....
.......the elusive beauty of this world and beyond…..
.......something I thought was beyond my comprehension…
...…..my logic …reason…..proof……evidence….reality……

……..everything got washed away………..by the flooding moonlight !

……and I fell in love with the reflection of the moon in my backyard pool………..



“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. "
Oscar Wilde



I have tried a million times to remain positive about this………

……..not to have any sad feeling……

…..but everytime I think about it ….i fail….

............and the shadow of sadness eclipse my heart.

I know.......
………..it was never mine from the very beginning……
So….why am I sad?
…..why am I contemplating over things which was not mine?.....

...........was never meant to happen from the very first…………….

………….it is not mine ………

…..not hers……

…not theirs……

……..it is of somebody else……

….somebody beyond this world………

…….not to anybody in this world that we live in………………

Of course it is there in each and everybody……it belongs to everyone…..!
And since it belongs to everyone and everyone indicates infinity…it divides itself into infinite parts…..and therefore everyone gets a part of nothing……

........I know.......

....yet.......

.......still........

So….what are you jealous of kid?
…the affection?
…..the caring?
…..the attention?
…..darling be smart enough to understand that it was not exclusive……

….the moon belongs to everyone ……

…..it showers equal amount of kindness, affection, attraction, closeness with everyone.
…so….what are you complaining about????what were you thinking?
……that you are special? That you meant something different? That you hold a special place there???????
…..no…. you are not.

…you are just as same as everyone else is……………

You are just one among the millions!

Hurting words? ….might be…..
Crushes up your ego?.....it should be crushed…..
Heart breaking? …………….it was meant to be broken dear!

…………you are just one among the millions!!!




Moon ….it shines on everyone yet it sparkles for none…

.......everybody appreciates its beauty…..

....everybody wants to own it ……

......everyone thinks it rises of him only …..

......everyone tries to monopolise it…some try to use it…..

......some even toys with the idea of making it a playmate….

........everybody is free to think and feel what they feel like ….

.......they have the same and equal right to appreciate it …

.....enjoy its beauty …

…free to think that the moon is theirs……
…….and they can rightfully do so……
Coz the moon belongs to them just as much it belongs to you darling…….

…now…now…now……

…just because you have fallen in love with the reflection doesn’t mean the reflection will start loving you back…..it loves none…..

…and when there is no mutual exclusivity, there cannot be love …..its just plain reflection…..
………please don’t fall in love with the reflection……the reflection wont bother back……
…it doesn’t care……
….it doesn’t matter…….
……it doesn’t care how much you weep….how far you get insulted……how badly you get hurt…….no matter how every moment of every single night and day you think about it….dream of it…..wrench your heart and soul ….

.....it will remain and will always remain ........

….just a reflection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…..it will continue to wane and wax according to its own calendar…its luminosity or darkness has its own schedule irrespective of whether you like it or not…….
…your love is insignificant ….trivial…..expendable…..most importantly …..it makes no difference at all !

please dont fall in love with the reflection of the moon in the pool of your backyard......!

..............but I already did.......................

Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you

There was a seed. He was quite oblivious to his own existence, until a very fine day he was dropped on earth.

….and he screamed…………….
”where on the name of God have I landed?????’


……he wondered and wondered….and got petrified …
…..unaware of such hardships before…
…before this…..he was blissfully sleeping within the quiet comfort of a fruit……
..and suddenly…
.. rather rudely……………..
..something woke him up….and thrashed him on this hard rock!


……” how is someone supposed to live here on his own??????
There’s no water………
…….the soil is too harsh…
….its damm hot out here…
…..where’s the shade to cool down??????????????
How am I going to even survive over here?????????????”


….the more he thought …more helpless he felt and gradually that helplessness got converted into frustration, anger and fear……………..all emotions jumbled up in a single frame …………as he was rustled up

photosynthesis.......and other things

When I saw you standing there
I about fell off my chair
When you moved your mouth to speak
I felt the blood go to my feet

Now it took time for me to know
What you tried so not to show
Something in my soul just cried
I see the want in your blue eyes


Baby, I’d love you to want me
The way that I want you, the way that it should be
Baby, you’d love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you only let it be



You told yourself years ago
You’d never let your feelings show
The obligation that you made
For the title that they gave



Baby, I’d love you to want me
The way that I want to , the way that it should be
Baby, you’d love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you only let it be


Now it took time for me to know
What you tried so not to show
Something in my soul just cried
I see the want in your blue eyes


Baby, I’d love you to want me
The way that I want to , the way that it should be
Baby, you’d love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you only let it be

‘Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?’

let me put this straight first..............
I m not at all in love with you................
even if I say I do....................
I m not in love with you .....................
not a bit.......nor a byte...............
I m not at all in love with you !

m I out of my mind ?
just because I look over your pictures...pictures taken by you .....of you ...
(I mean ...whats the difference????????????
both are equally magnificent creations !!!!!!!!!!!
.............isnt it ?)
just because I see them a million times.............and yet again ???
and every time I take a break from work ......I look at those and feel like transported to that world ....and let out a secret sigh , I m in love with you ??????
you gotta be kidding me !


I m not at all in love with you ...................
not an inch...............not a mile .......................
even if I say I do..............................
I m not at all in love with you ...................!


I m positively....absolutely....definitely........not in love with you.......
even if I think you are sexier than Brad Pitt....more deliciously handsome than Keanu Reeves.....and even more ridiculously charming than Hugh Grant !!!
and that every time I see you .............I go weak in knees......n every time I see that glint......that sparkle in your eyes.....that killing smile (....you gotta stop smiling immediately...........I mean they should arrest you for it ............I mean how many more casualties do you want ??)

and every time I look at you ..............or even think of you ...............my heart skips a bit ............Jesus !!!!!!!!!!!! have mercy !!!!! I
gotta see a doctor...I mean its so difficult to breathe, so impossible to stay calm and my hands starts to tremble ...........
Lord ! m I suffering from anemia ???

love you ?????
its more like I hate you ..............
I really hate you for ...................for ................well..........
.....for mostly living the life I always wanted to live................
……. Coz it was you who fired my imagination……
…. And I started to live my life through you …
… One who is doing the things I always dreamed of doing …. Going places I always wished to go……
… doing what you feel like doing…
… having the personality I always aspired to have…..
this burning envy that’s there within me .......may be still has stayed back......
and when you envy so much about a person …….a part of that person lingers back in your heart …………..and more you envy the more larger part stays behind ………..and slowly it grows and matures and starts having a life of its own ……………..and you start imagining things that you know you should not …….you mustn’t ………….you cant ………..and then there’s the point when the real trouble begins ……….point where you start talking to yourself in your head with another person. Normal people call those first symptoms of going nuts …..
but poets ….
…..hmmm …..
they are different ……
…..they call it falling in love ……!
……crap…!!!!!!!!!!!
………. these poet people are psycho!!!!............. I should stay away from them.
It’s a really dangerous if you ask me ………arguing with oneself ……….you will never know who will win or may be more importantly ….you don’t know whom you want to win!!! whose side you are on?!?!


Finally………….
I know inside my head - that you don’t …..yet inside my heart - I hope that you do …
…and probably in reality you don’t even know I exist in this stupid world …
…but still I do …
.. I want to……
I would love to ……
……I know I won’t dare…. ever ……coz I have been burnt once n I m too afraid to try it again or may be too mortified …
…I don’t know ………

May be you will know ….
…….may be you don’t …
…..…may be you already know and don’t care…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To me …you will always be that wonderful guy who could do anything he wished for and had the courage to pursue his own dream…..that cool dude……who still has a sensibility to appreciate the poem “wear sunscreen”……who still stumbles and chuckles out a wonderful laughter when a silly nervous obsessive fan calls up and soothes out her tension by agreeing with her silly ideas……
…….you are a great guy ! May your tribe increase ………!
……so…..
….yet ……
….I will always be your researcher who still turns back and gives a second look whenever she sees a black pulsar 150dtsi….

…….still …………..!

‘After all this time?’.........‘Always,’ said Snape.

“I used to think the past was dead and long gone……
I was wrong …so wrong………………”
- Robert Pattinson




and she thought she has grown up…….
That …..she has grown over him……….
Got over him…………………
The madness……….
The trembling of hands…….
The pain so deep….that sometimes its hard to even breathe
The passion……..
The addiction………
Her eccentricity………
Her insanity……….and may be even more …………
That even after 15years she still go weak in her knees and starts grinning like a cheshire cat whenever she hears his name …………
………….and she thought it was all gone ?????


he was a part of her life…her insignificant, ordinary life……and she lived for him…..one might say that she’s crazy…insane to believe in a fictional character and falling head over heels in love with a person who doesn’t even exist…..
exist ?????
well……to her he does….in her head…in her heart…for she loved him so much…….that she made him up in her head….to fall in love with all her heart…….
Crazy ????
Cheesy ????
Guess its both…..she was crazy about him…..may be even more than just crazy…..

You see….she was a peculiar kid…..a 14 year old falling in love with a FBI agent……how odd does it sound?????
….odd????
…..do you think she really cared?
…does anybody care?
…..does anyone ever cares about the world when they fall in love ???
…the world just seemed to freeze in front of her eyes whenever she thought of him……..the class, the classmates, teachers, annexation of Aurangazeb to the throne, chemical composition of ammonium hydrochloride, all…..all seemed to just disappear with the velocity of light and a man would appear out of nowhere wearing a long dark overcoat with a gun in his hand…..shouting ….”FBI…….. drop your weapons……….”
……hell !!!!!!!!!!!
who needs a gun????
……his eyes were enough to kill anybody!



She never concealed it from anyone about her craziness for him …….but nobody really understood the extent of this madness…the impact he had on her thoughts….and she couldn’t make anyone realize that……may be she never wanted to ….
For most of the time she kept it to herself…..and when all her classmates would seriously discuss about how handsome Madhavan looked in Seahawks or how romantic Salman was in Hum Aap ke hain kyon……..she could only imagine her hero………tall, brooding, on a constant struggle to find out the truth, his relentless quest to prove the existence of extra-terrestrial life-form on this earth……………to her he was the most extraordinary…unlike any other hero anyone can imagine of……he was her very own absolutely personal brand of super hero !

Well………..every form of insanity starts to show its first symptoms at some point of time ……..it begins somewhere……
It all began on a winter night of Saraswati puja when she was in class eight may be …she and her brother sat down to catch up the latest show they heard…. Her bro told about the show which was about extraterrestrial life, mutant bugs, UFO’s, alien abduction, sorcery, occult, reincarnation, psychic connections, artificial intelligence, government conspiracy and all sorts of such crap…..all sorts of craps that she loves to read…..
So she watched it ……
And that night she couldn’t sleep…..at all…………
….all she could think of that person…..being so courageous, so intelligent, so passionate, yet so stubborn, so vulnerable, so determined, so compassionate, so witty, so extra-ordinarily brilliant…….everything about him fascinated her…..everything drew her towards him….slowly and surely…..
and before she could realize it,
before she could fully comprehend it,
before the truth could really seep in …
…..she had fallen in love with him…
…….”irrecoverably ..unconditionally in love with him”……..


…and with each passing week …the insanity started to grow inside her……
…and one day she watched him cry……saw him breakdown……saw his passion
…the love and the unadulterated affection towards his partner……
the way he was desperate to save her……
the way he could go any length just to make sure she’s all right…..
the way he felt sorry, guilty, responsible about what happened to his partner….
the way he thought he had lost everything……
and then the smile….
….the smile……..
…..wow……..!!!
…….that heart-warming, sincere, genuine smile that dazzles up the entire room with the brilliance of thousand sunshine when he got her back…….
the way he never lost his faith…..made him…
well…..made him more human……
……that even if he is strong and stubborn, he is just as vulnerable and susceptible to pain and fear of losing and yet man enough to pick up the broken pieces and start all over again when everything was lost in fire……

you see…..he was an utter failure……
he could never solve a single case in his entire career….
…….he could never prove what he believed in ……..
and that he would always come so close to the truth to ultimately believe in the lie…
…..but …
…still…
…..what made him a hero was that he never gave up…..
……..neither did he stopped trusting his beliefs…….
………nor did he stop loving Scully …..no matter how hard it was to carry on…….

You see……
you can worship a hero….
you can be a fan of a person who can do anything he wants…….
but to fall in love ???????
………to fall in love you need to see their weakness, their Achilles heel, their point of vulnerability……their emotions which make them a human…..


So that night ….when he lost everything….she realized for the first time …how deeply madly truly she had fallen in love with him….the empathy she felt for him…….like she wanted to be a part of his life ….share his sorrows, admire his passion for work…what she felt was this indomitable, uncontrollable urge to express her emotions…….to say it out loud how she felt about him……and let everyone know that she had fallen in love…….

…….in that urge…in that undefeatable urge to let it out …….she took help of two inanimate objects…..paper and a pen ……and wrote what happens to be her first ever declaration of love.
Like I said ….she was a peculiar child !
One after the other…..and the other….and it grew like a habit ….like it was a part of her life to write about him, to him, for him…….how much he meant to her….how much she adored him, worshipped him, fantasized about him, how she loved his virtues ……and vices even more……..
…what was more fascinating was that writing to him was so easy, natural, effortless…..that she could go on writing ……..like every song seemed to fit perfectly to what she was feeling, every passionate sonnets, stories she read seemed to be relevant…..and she would quote them in her letters….every detailed emotion…….
….well…she is no Stephanie Meyer…….neither was her passionate letters any match for the Twilight…..but to her ….he was her very own Edward Cullen……..









(Wooo…..hooo…………timez up !!!!!!!!!!!
If I let her ……well……she can go on and on and on for another 376927 million more words!!!!! ……god!!!!!!!!!!!!…..can’t she ever stop !!!!! I can’t let that happen……I m running out of time …….so …to cut the long story short ……I have to intervene ……hey …its my blog …..I can do whatever I want ……anyway……so the story goes like this……)
She fell in love….wrote to him….saw his work…..fell more deeply in love…..almost outrageous irreversible type of love…..and then the show stopped….she cried for a few days…..let her heart out in those silly letters…..and then there was her class X finals…..now…writing love letters can’t make you pass in chemistry ? can it ? so like all predictable love stories this too was slowly annihilated by time…
…..but that’s not what my real intensions were in sharing it in this space……
……what she never told …rather avoided it so efficiently was that how she was in trouble …..or to put it in this way ……was in mortal danger because of him….because of her uncontrollable urge ……..
…..I was about to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…………..when ???? after another 14 years ????
………if you just let me ……….
…….fine!……..go ahead …….you have another 15 minutes……

Its so long time back……it just feels like another era altogether……
Well…….just like every crack head who falls in love wants the picture of their loved ones……and that was where the whole trouble began……life was not as smooth and filled with information like it is now ……during her time, at that age, very few had the knowledge of internet and even less had the free access to it…….yeah ….I know it seems like medieval age where the only source of information was the encyclopedia of your school library or the newspaper……or the dictionary ……..none of them helped in finding out the picture or any sort of information about him…..she got the full form of FBI, knew what alien abduction means, read in the magazines about the UFOs, area 51, but nowhere……absolutely nowhere she could find a picture of him……newspapers that time didn’t publish pictures of some unknown hero of some silly American serials….times were different around those times…….
..and then one fine morning……….
……her best friend whispered the information…….there is a picture of Fox Mulder on the magazine of Cosmopolitan! They featured a story on him!
………but what about the rest of the content??????
She was innocent (at least that time….) but not that naïve not to understand the dangerous and explosive adult contents in the same copy!!!
………she just flipped over the idea……
…there’s no way !!!!!
…….how could she ?????
……but she has to …she had to ……..
………...love makes the most timid shy girl desperate to the extent which even she refuses to believe……. .!
….she asked her friend…..would you please come along ?
……she scowled …….you gotta be mad you know that? How could you even have the courage to go to the stall and ask the magazine man for that? Think of your reputation!
To hang with reputation !!!!!!!!! She thought. She NEED the pictures.
Life’s lesson no. 614: when someone tries to dare you, you get even more desperate!
Planning part was easy! All she had to do was to save up a couple of week’s pocket money (Rs. 50 to be presise) and has to go far away from home to a magazine stall where no one knows her!
The actual ….most dangerous part was…… the execution.
she never broke any norms before ……or for that matter had ever done anything inappropriate or outrageous ….ever !!!!! so imagine the rush …..the exhilaration …the pure untainted adraline rush pushing her …….and ……she decided not to speak anything as her voice trembled , she stopped breathing….as she picked up the magazine from the display without looking at the man she just pushed the note to his hand and walked away so slowly as it was as normal as buying tomatoes from the bazaar…….while from inside she was shaking out of terror and panic, what if the man calls back and enquires her being underage or anything???
…….well …..the maneuver was as smooth as silk except for the near panic heart attack inside her! Rest all was euphoratic joy of celebration!!!!!
Pictures ……those wonderful pictures …….those mesmerizing enchanting pictures of him she coveted so much !!!!!! (yeah…..of course she gorged over the rest of the content also….but that’s not important here…..) she looked at those pictures for a million times yet they were not sufficient to satisfy her thirst…….she kept her magazine in her school bag……the safest place in her home coz she carries it to school and when she’s at home its under her table where no one looks but her……and the bonus of keeping it with her was that she could gaze at them whenever she wanted…….it felt like heaven!!!
But happiness …like any other strawberry ice-cream doesn’t last long……
And ……on another not so fine morning ……..heaven metamorphosed !!!!
…….it was all about the geometry box…….!
After having an exhausting session of algebra, her dad thought of lighting up the air with a wholesome dose of drawing the angles (yeah … as if like the sole existence of our happiness depends on it!)…..and while she was busy with those mysterious unidentifiable numbers, her dad got all emotional and offered to help and bring the box…..he asked….where do you keep it ?
and before she could realize it,
before she could fully comprehend it,
before the reality, the implications could really seep in …
…..she replied…its in my bag, dad, beneath the table …….

dialectics....

Let me first confess….its really tough to handle one thing at one time, let alone writing about three guys at the same time with equal attention and affection if you may ask!!!!!!!!!
I want to write about all three of them ………….that’s true!
But I have only one brain and ten fingers ………and that’s also very true!
So whom to write about first????????????
Tough question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you ask me…… its really difficult, not only to pick the first one, but also to write about him…..mostly because:
1) lack of time ,
2) lack of energy,
3) lack of access to net,
4) more importantly ………lack of talent (that will be me…..my lack of talent to be precise!)
……and therefore making it really hard and difficult to decide for the optimal utilization of resources!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmm………..now lets see……………..
1. Fox Mulder ………….I was crazy about him…..I still am…………..!
2. Photographer……………I hate him for the fact that I like him so much…..still do!
3. Rookie………I owe him…..but the real reason?…hmm…I like talking about him!

So…… the very fact that I m writing about this person first…….
and him alone……………..
clearly shows my …should I say…..favoritism? or partiality to one person ……
……..Reason????
Don’t ask …..I don’t know either……
…..when I do I will let you know……
….till then accept the fact that I m partially blind to one particular person!!!!!!
Can’t help it dear ……
……so ……………
………………make room guys …here he comes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well………………now………………


Some times I think I know him ………..some times I think I don’t …………….
Some times I hope he likes me………………some times I fear that he won’t ………..
Sometimes I think he likes talking to me ……and some times I get “there’s no new sms in your inbox”……………
Sometimes he seems to be a simple nice guy…….sometimes a paradox!!!!!!!

And there’s no cracking this complex puzzle written in an unfathomable code …..I can just hope that he is compatible with my format!
you know……
.. in life…
… there are sometimes when you just forget …whether.. if your liking is reciprocated with the same fondness or not …
And that…………
…….just liking some one gives you such a pleasure and consumes you with such contentment that every other detail just seems unnecessarily redundant.
…and….
………when you start to like some one for the simple reason that liking him makes you feel good …..and you like to talk to him for no other reason but that you like talking to him…………..you like to reciprocate your feeling………….every sad ones ….happy ones ……miserable days or exuberant evenings………..you like to share every minute details of life however insignificant that may seem …………..you know its time that you blog about him ! ! ! !


How?…………why?……….the reason? ……………the logic? ………....the objective?
…………..I don’t know ………
…….and the irony is that it was I …….who liked analyzing things!
…..it was I who believed everything happens for a reason….and serves a particular purpose ……
……GOD…….!!!!

Know what?????
I think …..rather than me finding him………….it was more of he… who decided to pick me ……it was his relentless patience and kind nature that he survived while others faded away. Though, I still don’t find a reason for him being so kind towards me…….may be its his nature of being polite to everyone, giving everyone a chance to be good, or he is just blessed with impeccable etiquette! Don’t know!
Whenever I think of him…..I remember the phase in my life filled with Harry Potter, Bhanu’s filmy quizzes, working with a zeal and then gradually getting disillusioned, feeling lonely away from home, and then getting an opportunity to came back to Kolkata, holidays during Durga puja, chatting like nuts till late nights, and then getting rebuked by dada for staying up late, a phase when I thought I could have everything I can wish for ……!
The exuberance, excitement, confidence, doing all the wrong things in life…..well I won’t say them to be exactly “wrong” ….. may be crazy things ….. I did all the stuff I never thought I could do or I would have guts to do …it was great…..but its over now……

…..you see…..I am really extremely ordinary, average, run of the mill, mundane, boring, “dal-bhat-macher jhol-ranna-kora”, not-that-popular in office, movie-crazy yet don’t quite understand matrix, harry potter loving and Dan Brown and Jhumpa Lahiri loving all at the same time, travel-freak though travelling only through discovery and ‘snaps of others’ a middle aged not-that-ohh-my-god-looking woman.
You see…..our worlds don’t co-exist in this universe! We are in different time zones if not in different era altogether!!!
You teach UNIX/LINUX (either one of the two or both) to the brilliant minds ……………..
………………I teach my father how to open word doc…..
You design websites……
…I make maps…..
You are super informed about every thing in this cyber world…………….
.I get elated …euphoric just to be able to attach a file to mail or zip any folder…..
(Whatever that means in your world…)
You are smart, popular with girls……
99.99% of the boys I know ….are all my relatives!!!
You are funny, witty; articulate…
…I have to write down jokes to save my grace……
You can assemble computers……
to me smps and ups are one and the same thing…….

There was no way that our path would have crossed…
yet ….
.they had…..!
Life is as confused as Dharmotola crossing……!!!
Sure …we don’t talk as much as we used to …….but hey …no regrets …..I am blessed just to be a friend of yours…..there’s no room for complaints…….esp. after those 9 DVD that you gave…….you know in my life …… people usually tend to forget my birthday as it coincides with the new year thing…..and everyone would be excited about what to do, where to go ……(its really sucks to be born at the last day of the year…..)…I never had many……or any grand celebrations at house or with friends……that means missing out good food and most importantly absolutely no gifts at all…..whatever gifts that I have received in my life span were…well….. the things I could do without ……

but …………
………what you gave to me was something so valuable, so important that ……that I cant simply put that to words……and as I have said earlier, was one of the finest moments in my life where I got something that I really desired………and that if I try to explain or detail out my emotions it will be lost in words……

its undeniable fact that ….you were the first of the third kind…………what I believed to be non-existent ………..you are first in everything …almost everything……..right from being the first orkut friend ….to the first boy that I have ever gone out for a movie…..alone…..you were the one who reinstalled the belief that friendship can exist even if you are not equal in terms of intellect (higher in your case) or age (higher in my case)…….that sharing doesn’t necessarily mean talking for long lengths…..and that even after a decade without any communication you still remind me of the nice times that I had with you, the lousy craps in the name of movie that we have wasted our times to, the jokes that you told in impossible of times, the texts in my mobile …..
……the things that count in life are not always countable
…….they are sum of those moments when we shared a laugh, a thought, a feeling….name of movies which I knew we would both enjoy…..
(and…..an impossible grin flashes…...)
….you see…
its more like an old favorite song..…
…which you don’t necessarily hum all the time ….but whenever you hear it …radio or anywhere…..you cant help but remember the lines….the words…. that made you feel in a certain way in the past……like the taste of butterscotch ice cream…..which lingers in your memory long even after the last slurp ……………
I can understand that most of what I m writing doesn’t add up to much sense……yet its quite comprehensible to me ….and perhaps to me alone…..even though I wanted to make it logical …..and believe me ….I tried……..
You see…… what I write is all me. I m not very good at it ……I try all the time ….but….…..there are times I can express myself……sometimes the emotions are just lost somewhere…. I'm not a good enough writer to become a writer. I read about others who can express things more lucidly …..and I think ….I wonder what that may feel like. Because for me, I write the things that move me…..or better….. force me to write…..
so lemme try again…..
you see….
thou are special to me…….
……precious….. in every way….
…. for many reasons beyond my own comprehension …..
It may be because you installed confidence in me….. that may be I m worth a thing or two….
…..that friendship can happen between two parallel universe……
…that if you reach out your hand….and take a chance….there will always a friend on the other side …… who shares the same views, feelings, likes the same kind of movies, shares the same liking in music(or..may be sometimes not…)…….and that its not you alone that suffer from loneliness…….there is yet another person who dies out of the same disease…………
And the reason …..if you still want the logic…… (which I would have appreciated if you didn’t)……..is that…..I believe…..when you say out your emotions or feelings……you can hear them only once….and once said they are lost for ever….and even if you want to….you cant have them back……….on the other hand letters or writings are more enduring ….and while letters are a more private affair and should be reserved for your special girlfriends only……..its in my blog that I give recognition of my faith to you and our friendship!

…………………………..



………………..what ???????????????

……………..not sleepy yet………………….?????
This kind of crap happens when you don’t get enough sleep …..keep awake till 2.30 in the morning……and try to do the impossible……
…...well …it was you who encouraged me to write …..and now you just faced the consequence!
What I could have said in few words….
…… instead of this awful epic …..
…is that…..
Rookie……..I love thou more than I do Tom Cruise or Daniel Craig or Robert Patterson put together…….
…its Anthony Hopkins that you should look out for !!!!!!!!!!!!!