Do I have to say the words?
Do I have to tell the truth?
Do I have to shout it out?
Do I have to say a prayer?
I guess not …………..
….know what??
to me …..life is all about the small, yet not insignificant things that you tend to remember in the long run........
…......like say …
..........in the next ten year …
you will most likely to remember the kind words of your friend when you were down ,
or the support through the gentle pat from your senior
….and not the amount of money you made or the number of gadgets you bought!
Life is all about such simple pleasures ......
and that often come from the most unexpected places !
actually its more tastier when its un-expected ! believe me ....!
cant say much about.... what is life.....!...tried googling it once!
no ...seriously.....cant say much.....for the simple fact that I havent finished my journey yet .......
yet ...
what I like about it is that it always maintains a balance ......
.....dynamic equilibrium......I guess !
coz.......you cant be too happy
or...... too sad for that matter !
......just when you thought you are a scumbag in the face of this universe.........(I mean .....when you feel really low....).....
.....life suddenly springs up and gives you this wonderful gift
...the gift of friendship......
and those who think I m being poetic about it ......I m......!
(blame the weather..........how can you resist the charm of rain? its totally proven that the tendency to write non-sense is directly proportionate to the amount of rainfall and the drop in temperature subsequently.....)
For me …..life is not always sweet and rosy ….mostly of course because of my nature …..really cant blame it to others…no matter how hard I try to ……I cant !
n if I m true to myself …..I know ….deep in side me ….I know whats wrong with me …
......yet I cant ......(no......cant will be a wrong word)
.......yet I dont do something about it ….
ohh the dark side of me …..
yeh......of course .....I have another side
…everyone has it …even batman has it......
whether they are aware of it or not …..
I m not always this casual sweet funny one who has no wants, no vices, no desires, no ill-habits .......I do......just dont ask me the list ......
its just that I m too apt to hide them ….its only the ppl I live with know me inside out …..
to them I m the most irresponsible, un-hygienic girl around,
absolutely always procrastinating,
never having the desire to improve myself ,
the laziest ass anyone has known.
And I know its because of all these vices I face the trouble that I face!
Its simple law dear …..reap what you sow !
and how can I blame anyone else for that!
yet....after all that's said and done ......
Yet …I have to admit …..I m the luckiest ass anyone has ever seen!
And trust me when I say this …….that I have the most affectionate friend one can ever think of for such an lousy girl!
And that is in terms of love that is showered unconditionally
….and most importantly ......
......unexpectedly…..!!!
..........from the people I least anticipate ….!!!
and you know …these are the moments that you think that you are truly blessed.....
truly being loved in spite of your inadequacy......
...... I guess it’s a feeling mostly …..that you sense …
may be I m wrong
(statistics say that …there are more probability of me being wrong than to be right, if past facts are taken for consideration)
….may be I m wrong…..
but it do sure feels so right!
Love is not always dependent upon the size or for that matter price of the gift …
but it’s the thought….
the kind of feeling.......... that goes behind a gift….
its when you feel “you would love to give” …..and not when you feel “you have to give”….. !
And believe me its such a wonderful feeling beyond words….....
beyond any “thank you’s”........
beyond any such formalities ........
esp. when you are at the receiving end…..!!!
.......receiving no less than pure love and adoration…..
.......a gift of friendship......a human relationship beyond any boundaries .......
believe me its feels like cloud no. 9…..if Mr. Adams is right ……it do sure feels right !
And...... so buddy........?
…..do I have to say it loud?
…do I have to speak it out ?…..
do I have to tell the truth……that I thank thee from the bottom of my heart !
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
let it be ......
So whats with me and with my office……
I don’t know ….
I seriously don’t know …..
I don’t know where I went wrong !.....
..and I m trying so hard to figure it out …but still cant !
There were times before when I used to tell myself …..its ok …everything will be fine ….things will be sorted out at last
….but know what ????
…..it doesn’t …!
…..things are not going fine …..things are not sorting themselves out …..
and I need help……..!
I need help now …
I need to get over this heartache …
which is like a pain in the throat so sharp that you cant swallow it ……
and its like over a month now …..
actually more than that ….
it kind of started last December….and its april now ….
it should have stopped by now ….but its not going away …..
…I need to figure it out ….where did I went wrong !
May be its not one big great blunder…..but an accumulation of several small wrong steps …..that added up to this !
Jealousy was one thing I thought I was too noble to have it inside me …..I m wrong ….I m not God…..and I shouldn’t try to be one ……I have all the human emotional vices …..where …now…jealousy seems to be taking its prime seat !
but should I be blamed ?
if someone takes up the things I love to do ….the stuff I love to work at …..is it extremely twisted to be jealous ?
I m not saying the others should not do the same stuff…..but why take up my right to do the same things ?
They may say I aint that smart ….not good enough ….but everybody has their own good points ….they aren’t bad at everything …..I admit I m not that excellent as the other might be …..but should that make me dispensable ??? I might just have other qualities …..
I guess there the problem lies ….I need to find out where m I good at …
..coz
…now …..I feel quite down …
..these are the times when I feel that I m not good for anything …
.but that’s not true ..I hope ….I hope its just a feeling and it will just go away with time …….
This is not supposed to be a good way to live …
..when down inside you feel sorry for yourself
and yet cant find a way out from this horrible cycle …
.where you feel bad and thus you work up more errors and then people disapprove of your work and you end up being more miserable…..
and the vicious cycle keeps on revolving !
Know what …..now this thing has gone so deep-rooted that when ever anybody praises of something…I keep on feeling that the person is showing sympathy …..and don’t mean them from their heart……
but this is not what supposed to happen in life….I mean …I believe everybody is good at something at least …..you just need to find out that thing !!!
But right now I m just too horribly depressed to think of any good thing …..and the worst of all ……most of my friends are not here……….actually I don’t need them all….I just need one ….my friend …..and I m not feeling good without her …..it just seems impossible to live without her …..but then I have to ……and I m not finding any way out of this ….life is not always what you like it to be …..and you have to accept that !
In pursuit of happiness….when Christofer and his son went to a church …..there was a song saying ……God don’t move the mountain but give me the strength to climb it !
that’s all I ask for ……
to give me the courage to go through life……..
and to know the right things that I want to do with my life……!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
statuary warning !!!
When I started this blog…..I thought I had to shut it up in a jig ……who knew I had so much to talk to myself …..geez……you live to learn ya……
Well…today’s topic is …..
hmm…well not exactly a topic
….something like an apology perhaps…..
or hmmm….may be like an disclaimer …..
hmmm…may be not …………………………..
(still searching for the right word to put in …..leave it ........it will take the whole night ya……)
Hmmmm…..so what’s it about …..???
Well…. Lets see….ya ……its about the things that this blog is all about …..and what’s it is not about ……
(Wow …..warning seems to fit right in …….)
Right……lets say this current blabbering is about a statuary warning ! ! !
You see…you got to read all these at your own expense ……..
(…..and please ……don’t send me your counselor ‘s bill…..I m broke myself…..)
Well…now..............
….dont say that you have never been warned……
so …shall we start……????
Anything that you read in this blog is not original !
……everything is being copied, lifted, stolen, extracted , and shamelessly pasted in here……none of the work that you see…is my own creation.
Source…???
Don’t ask me ….I have lost track myself......!
……this plagiarism is so ingrained now that sometimes I copy from my own past copied things ….GOD…!!!
..lack of talent coupled with lack of memory can do blunders !
But then .......still….mostly I copy from the things that I hear……..read…… or watch in films or t.v……………..
right from the Monorama Year Book (….yeah !!!…….I do read that ….sometimes….)
..............to.........................
Stardust (..I read that all the time…..)…..
and from the most arty-carty films in Bengali to the hard-core hindi masala (whats life without spice ya ????)…..
and my fav of all ……the action packed-suspense thriller Hollywood trash……..I gulp them all………I don’t believe in discrimination you see!
So…its like as they say…..this is a work of fiction and has no resemblance with the characters and actions in real life…….dude….I m totally not responsible for the words that you read and the mental trauma that happens afterward……I m no one to blame……
Well..then lets say…
.........this is work of compilation I guess……
and they do say…..
"if ya copy from one its plagiarism…..if ya copy from many …its research ! "
Hmmm…….fits well with my job description !
But then …therez a slight difference ……researchers are not always attached to their work…..they need their degree ……what attachment???
.....but in my case …..though its totally lifted….
(ahhh….lifted sounds so bad ya ……lets called it inspired….shall we??)…
.......I m totally fond of my own theft !
I do love them …..
I can not help myself but to read my own things over and over again......
……and when one mentions even a tiny-miny itsy-bitsy slightest hind of appreciation…..I do blush ! ! !
And the thing is that ….whatever I do pick up ….its because….I share the same feeling with it…..
its just that there are things I want to speak out ……but don’t have the right words to put in place…..
I m not that articulate you see….
.(ohh well…..no body will believe that ……esp. after all this 500 words of non-stop non-sense! )
……but that’s the fact ……and the ultimate motive behind all this………
Its just that ….when ever I see a movie….like it……I try to figure out the reason why I liked it so much…..and when the reason becomes a strong one …I tend to feel that I should keep that wonderful thought somewhere…..and since I m Dr. Loose-Everything-You-Have……I thought of keeping it in the safest place of all ….the net ! in this way …..I will just have to remember my account name and the password…….simple isn’t it ??? you see….I believe that the internet is the greatest thing that man has invented after wheel ! ! !ohh …….that was an accident or what ? that “wheel” thing ???
Never mind ……!
so the moral of the story is that ……
What ???? copying is good ???
No ….you shamuck ……
if anyone likes your work…..thats the best ! ! !….nothing like that! ! !
But what if……anybody doesn’t………… ?
….if anybody doesn’t …….
well.......
this is the safest way to save your own a*&%#@ ……
Well…today’s topic is …..
hmm…well not exactly a topic
….something like an apology perhaps…..
or hmmm….may be like an disclaimer …..
hmmm…may be not …………………………..
(still searching for the right word to put in …..leave it ........it will take the whole night ya……)
Hmmmm…..so what’s it about …..???
Well…. Lets see….ya ……its about the things that this blog is all about …..and what’s it is not about ……
(Wow …..warning seems to fit right in …….)
Right……lets say this current blabbering is about a statuary warning ! ! !
You see…you got to read all these at your own expense ……..
(…..and please ……don’t send me your counselor ‘s bill…..I m broke myself…..)
Well…now..............
….dont say that you have never been warned……
so …shall we start……????
Anything that you read in this blog is not original !
……everything is being copied, lifted, stolen, extracted , and shamelessly pasted in here……none of the work that you see…is my own creation.
Source…???
Don’t ask me ….I have lost track myself......!
……this plagiarism is so ingrained now that sometimes I copy from my own past copied things ….GOD…!!!
..lack of talent coupled with lack of memory can do blunders !
But then .......still….mostly I copy from the things that I hear……..read…… or watch in films or t.v……………..
right from the Monorama Year Book (….yeah !!!…….I do read that ….sometimes….)
..............to.........................
Stardust (..I read that all the time…..)…..
and from the most arty-carty films in Bengali to the hard-core hindi masala (whats life without spice ya ????)…..
and my fav of all ……the action packed-suspense thriller Hollywood trash……..I gulp them all………I don’t believe in discrimination you see!
So…its like as they say…..this is a work of fiction and has no resemblance with the characters and actions in real life…….dude….I m totally not responsible for the words that you read and the mental trauma that happens afterward……I m no one to blame……
Well..then lets say…
.........this is work of compilation I guess……
and they do say…..
"if ya copy from one its plagiarism…..if ya copy from many …its research ! "
Hmmm…….fits well with my job description !
But then …therez a slight difference ……researchers are not always attached to their work…..they need their degree ……what attachment???
.....but in my case …..though its totally lifted….
(ahhh….lifted sounds so bad ya ……lets called it inspired….shall we??)…
.......I m totally fond of my own theft !
I do love them …..
I can not help myself but to read my own things over and over again......
……and when one mentions even a tiny-miny itsy-bitsy slightest hind of appreciation…..I do blush ! ! !
And the thing is that ….whatever I do pick up ….its because….I share the same feeling with it…..
its just that there are things I want to speak out ……but don’t have the right words to put in place…..
I m not that articulate you see….
.(ohh well…..no body will believe that ……esp. after all this 500 words of non-stop non-sense! )
……but that’s the fact ……and the ultimate motive behind all this………
Its just that ….when ever I see a movie….like it……I try to figure out the reason why I liked it so much…..and when the reason becomes a strong one …I tend to feel that I should keep that wonderful thought somewhere…..and since I m Dr. Loose-Everything-You-Have……I thought of keeping it in the safest place of all ….the net ! in this way …..I will just have to remember my account name and the password…….simple isn’t it ??? you see….I believe that the internet is the greatest thing that man has invented after wheel ! ! !ohh …….that was an accident or what ? that “wheel” thing ???
Never mind ……!
so the moral of the story is that ……
What ???? copying is good ???
No ….you shamuck ……
if anyone likes your work…..thats the best ! ! !….nothing like that! ! !
But what if……anybody doesn’t………… ?
….if anybody doesn’t …….
well.......
this is the safest way to save your own a*&%#@ ……
Sunday, March 22, 2009
then there was a man who said, " I never knew what real happiness was untill I got married, and then it was too late".....
Hmmm….horns of dilemma !!!
……I have office work …..n…….I have things to write about …
Now….…what to do ….???
Ohh… what the heck….damm with office work …
what the worst can happen??? ….I will get busted again…or may be kicked out….
still…I m still in for writing the things I want to …..
well………..
have all the people around me gone crazy…..
or are they were all been abducted by aliens ???
geez ……how come they have the same questions in their mind at the same…..????
And that’s
“when are you getting married dear ?”
Yeah, right ! ! ! As if I m in a mood for suicide!
……sometimes I think its just their way of getting revenge or what ……like make the same deadly mistake as they did ……..! wooo hooo …….no way man…….!
I think I m pretty happy the way I m ……
with my mirror-cracking looks and outstanding intellect I m pretty much having the time of my life dear……
ohh except ofcourse of the office thing….there I really suck…..infact I stink almost….
but that’s something one cant help …..you have to suck somewhere…..
you cant be good at everything ……can you ???
Well……if ya weigh my situation from my point of view you might get the logic….at least I hope so ……...which I cant explain to others in a more sane manner than this……..geez …this is one of the many reasons….one of the main reasons……… I took up writing …….you can put your thoughts without someone arguing back…..which is pretty cool…..I think !
Yup…now the logic……
Well……. There’s no logic actually ……if you think of it ……
…..ahhh …..what the heck again….its me against myself…..I have to believe anything I say……
I think I m pretty cool in the way I m …like …..who wants more tension in life dear……when you have enough already…..
when I was in school….I used to get tensed about getting through the class without getting thrown away …..which was pretty tough
…..I would always goof up with my books…..wrongly copy the homework from others……wont do the work in time…..the habit of what still follows me….
When I grew up …..I mean I was in college…..things got tougher…..!
N then…. when I was away from home ……hell broke loose……what type….how much…don’t dare to ask….try surviving a day without family….n then ask……!
Life……work…office…..Jesus !!!…..how much more can you handle at one go???
So it never seemed strange that a girl like me……
(ok…I have to stop referring myself as a girl……I m a woman now……who is now getting old……though not quite growing up actually……)
Well…the truth is that …..it never bothered me…..that I never …never had a boyfriend in my entire life (……well…not quite entire life …you shouldn’t count the days in nappy)……well….never in my adult life!
,,,which now …when I think of it……and esp. when asked about ……..find it quite hard to explain …that why I never had an affair with anyone …..I mean a seriously serious one…….watching the birds don’t count as an affair!
Hmm….
one reason….perhaps the main ……and more logical one might be
my “drop-dead-oh-my-good-lord” looks !
I m always famous for my size ….to say it more politely……which I cant really help…..I mean I can help…..but then why should I ??? I never found a good reason enough to let go the things I love …..n food is one of them! So the thing is that …though I m fit enough to trek around mountains…..I could never fit in a jean…….! Ahh …no regrets there either…..jeans is totally not comfortable ……looks good but totally not comfortable.
May be its because of the brains……which unlike my body……do fit in a pea shell!
Ok ok …..I admit ….I m exaggerating …..its bigger than that…..its perfect for a walnut !!!
But then…..are the looks and the brain the real cause ???
hmm…..I have a friend whose looks are smashing …if I must say so being a girl…
…yet she don’t have one …..
……I have one with the best IQ I have ever seen …..even she has a series of wrong boyfriends…
….I should better not talk about Malinee……who posses both the qualities and yet to have one date till date !
so ,
what’s going wrong in here ???
beats me…..men always say women are enigma…….but I think the feeling is mutual…
…..I have bloody hell no idea what men wants!
Hannibal once told about the 3b principle …..but that’s clearly not working in here !
So ??? may be the problem is much more deeper than just the 3b’s …….may be ……
Well ….frankly …I have no issues about having a relationship…….things are pretty romantic and all…
..it when it comes to marriage …..wedding or rituals……I spook off !
may be its an internal fear…… the deep down core primal fear that I have in marriage …
..and its because of the fact that I don’t think I m pretty much of a wife material!
…..bloody hell man…..I cant even take care of myself…………how m I suppose to take care of an entire family ???
…..dont know ……I believe I wont make a very good wife ……..and that’s a fear I will never get rid off….
when I think of myself ….I find so many mistakes ….
I m not pretty much good at anything other than cooking……I m kinda lazy, procrastinating silly old fool ! yup that’s the picture I have in my mind when I think of myself…..but then everybody is not perfect …..are they?
Even mentally …..if you think of that too……I m not very sound…..I keep forgetting things……I lose track of all the chores to be done…….when I talk of one thing or listen to one ……my mind keeps wondering to hell knows where …..and they are not a very good sign of a sane person ! I have crazy ideas, strangest of thoughts……now that I m thinking of that ….I should go n see a therapist ……I mean ppl take medicines for my kind of symptoms……!
Now to sum up the entire non-sense ……I think it makes pretty sense that I should retain my spinsterhood …..if not for anything………its for the greater good of the mankind …….
Say what ????
……..of course
……until I meet a more lunatic person than I m……
well….
……….then I cant promise anything ! ! ! Can I ? ? ?
……I have office work …..n…….I have things to write about …
Now….…what to do ….???
Ohh… what the heck….damm with office work …
what the worst can happen??? ….I will get busted again…or may be kicked out….
still…I m still in for writing the things I want to …..
well………..
have all the people around me gone crazy…..
or are they were all been abducted by aliens ???
geez ……how come they have the same questions in their mind at the same…..????
And that’s
“when are you getting married dear ?”
Yeah, right ! ! ! As if I m in a mood for suicide!
……sometimes I think its just their way of getting revenge or what ……like make the same deadly mistake as they did ……..! wooo hooo …….no way man…….!
I think I m pretty happy the way I m ……
with my mirror-cracking looks and outstanding intellect I m pretty much having the time of my life dear……
ohh except ofcourse of the office thing….there I really suck…..infact I stink almost….
but that’s something one cant help …..you have to suck somewhere…..
you cant be good at everything ……can you ???
Well……if ya weigh my situation from my point of view you might get the logic….at least I hope so ……...which I cant explain to others in a more sane manner than this……..geez …this is one of the many reasons….one of the main reasons……… I took up writing …….you can put your thoughts without someone arguing back…..which is pretty cool…..I think !
Yup…now the logic……
Well……. There’s no logic actually ……if you think of it ……
…..ahhh …..what the heck again….its me against myself…..I have to believe anything I say……
I think I m pretty cool in the way I m …like …..who wants more tension in life dear……when you have enough already…..
when I was in school….I used to get tensed about getting through the class without getting thrown away …..which was pretty tough
…..I would always goof up with my books…..wrongly copy the homework from others……wont do the work in time…..the habit of what still follows me….
When I grew up …..I mean I was in college…..things got tougher…..!
N then…. when I was away from home ……hell broke loose……what type….how much…don’t dare to ask….try surviving a day without family….n then ask……!
Life……work…office…..Jesus !!!…..how much more can you handle at one go???
So it never seemed strange that a girl like me……
(ok…I have to stop referring myself as a girl……I m a woman now……who is now getting old……though not quite growing up actually……)
Well…the truth is that …..it never bothered me…..that I never …never had a boyfriend in my entire life (……well…not quite entire life …you shouldn’t count the days in nappy)……well….never in my adult life!
,,,which now …when I think of it……and esp. when asked about ……..find it quite hard to explain …that why I never had an affair with anyone …..I mean a seriously serious one…….watching the birds don’t count as an affair!
Hmm….
one reason….perhaps the main ……and more logical one might be
my “drop-dead-oh-my-good-lord” looks !
I m always famous for my size ….to say it more politely……which I cant really help…..I mean I can help…..but then why should I ??? I never found a good reason enough to let go the things I love …..n food is one of them! So the thing is that …though I m fit enough to trek around mountains…..I could never fit in a jean…….! Ahh …no regrets there either…..jeans is totally not comfortable ……looks good but totally not comfortable.
May be its because of the brains……which unlike my body……do fit in a pea shell!
Ok ok …..I admit ….I m exaggerating …..its bigger than that…..its perfect for a walnut !!!
But then…..are the looks and the brain the real cause ???
hmm…..I have a friend whose looks are smashing …if I must say so being a girl…
…yet she don’t have one …..
……I have one with the best IQ I have ever seen …..even she has a series of wrong boyfriends…
….I should better not talk about Malinee……who posses both the qualities and yet to have one date till date !
so ,
what’s going wrong in here ???
beats me…..men always say women are enigma…….but I think the feeling is mutual…
…..I have bloody hell no idea what men wants!
Hannibal once told about the 3b principle …..but that’s clearly not working in here !
So ??? may be the problem is much more deeper than just the 3b’s …….may be ……
Well ….frankly …I have no issues about having a relationship…….things are pretty romantic and all…
..it when it comes to marriage …..wedding or rituals……I spook off !
may be its an internal fear…… the deep down core primal fear that I have in marriage …
..and its because of the fact that I don’t think I m pretty much of a wife material!
…..bloody hell man…..I cant even take care of myself…………how m I suppose to take care of an entire family ???
…..dont know ……I believe I wont make a very good wife ……..and that’s a fear I will never get rid off….
when I think of myself ….I find so many mistakes ….
I m not pretty much good at anything other than cooking……I m kinda lazy, procrastinating silly old fool ! yup that’s the picture I have in my mind when I think of myself…..but then everybody is not perfect …..are they?
Even mentally …..if you think of that too……I m not very sound…..I keep forgetting things……I lose track of all the chores to be done…….when I talk of one thing or listen to one ……my mind keeps wondering to hell knows where …..and they are not a very good sign of a sane person ! I have crazy ideas, strangest of thoughts……now that I m thinking of that ….I should go n see a therapist ……I mean ppl take medicines for my kind of symptoms……!
Now to sum up the entire non-sense ……I think it makes pretty sense that I should retain my spinsterhood …..if not for anything………its for the greater good of the mankind …….
Say what ????
……..of course
……until I meet a more lunatic person than I m……
well….
……….then I cant promise anything ! ! ! Can I ? ? ?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)